May 2010

It was a Saturday afternoon at the restaurant where I work. It was usually busy on Saturdays and today was no exception. It was also the middle of summer and on this particular Saturday we were very busy, not slammed, but still pretty hectic. It was quite hot in both the restaurant and the kitchen but little did we realise that we were about to get heated up a little more.

My workmates and I were happily working away in the kitchen when all of a sudden the emergency fire evacuation siren went off. We were all sure this was another test, but our manager came up to us with a serious face and said that we needed to get outside NOW! From the tone of his voice we could tell that this was not a drill.

In the restaurant all the customers were sitting there looking confused and irritated. Following protocol we shepherded them all outside to the fire evacuation point. As we headed for the exit we passed a running department manager from the supermarket above us. He was yelling on his mobile phone that the smoke was coming from the top floor. While we waited outside for the all-clear, some of our ever so loyal customers decided to take the opportunity to run off without paying the bill.

After a while our manager informed us that the smoke had not been from a fire. It tuned out that the security guard who comes once every few days to collect our profits had dropped his secured case which set off its antitheft system and released the stunning smoke. Luckily no one was hurt and it gave us something to laugh about.

- Peace Lover

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Back in college, the large group of my girlfriends and I would get together once a week and go out to eat. We were usually broke, but we always enjoyed ourselves… best of times.

That is until the brother of one of the girls started dating The Wicked Witch. The sister would invite the brother’s girlfriend along. None of us liked her, but we liked the sister and brother. We put up with her. I also started ordering cheaper meals so I could leave a larger tip, figuring the waiter/waitress deserved it.

This went on for several weeks, then we decided to go to Olive Garden. The witch was not with us when we met up there, and the sister got a text saying that she would be coming later. I was overjoyed. Even when the waiter arrived at our table, explaining that he was doing his best as the only server in the section, I was still in a good mood.

Then SHE arrived. The witch sat down and loudly announced that she was having a bad day and, “let’s give the waiter hell.” WTF??

Like this wasn’t her usual behavior? She could do worse??

I immediately said in case she didn’t know, the waiter was the only one in this section. That he was doing a good job but was already under a bit of stress as it was. “That doesn’t matter,” she said with her wicked witch’s cackle.

We had already ordered our food, and when he came to deliver it she snapped at him that he hadn’t taken her drink order yet. He apologized for not seeing her arrive, to which she replied, “you would have if you paid attention to your customers.”

Nothing he did was right for her. The salad leaves weren’t green enough. There was too much dressing on the salad. The pasta wasn’t cooked properly. The marinara sauce was too runny.

It was a nightmare for that poor waiter. I felt so bad for him and ashamed of us for having such a rude “friend” in our group.

I got my laundry money out from my coin pouch. I figured that the waiter deserved it for dealing with her… I could wash my clothes in my sink this week.

The funny thing was that after that experience, we all started talking amongst ourselves and found out that we were ALL giving extra tip money to compensate our servers for dealing with the witch’s wrath. These waiters/waitresses were banking! After that, we told the sister that her brother’s girlfriend was no longer welcome to our weekly dining outings… no matter how much we liked her or him.

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I was once told by a friend who worked as a manager for a restaurant that she hired an extremely lazy waitress. Not only did she find any excuse in the book to try to avoid work as much as possible, she made a serious lack of judgement when dealing with a table. When a diner asked her to bring something the waitress whined, “I can’t be bothered” and walked off! I’m not sure what happened to her but she was either fired or severely disciplined.

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Our restaurant presents live musical performances on Fridays and Saturdays; usually upbeat jazz and R&B. These shows are very, very popular, and we encourage people (via our website and press releases) to call the restaurant to reserve a seat.

I was in the middle of seating a whole lot of people on a Friday night; the place was packed; four of my most favorite customers (who’d called the week before to reserve) were with me, heading toward one of the prime tables in the restaurant. The five of us were nearly knocked over by a rather rotund woman and her husband who went running past us – and sat down at the table we were headed to (it was marked with a card saying “reserved”).

I asked my customers to bear with us a moment and went to tell the couple that they couldn’t sit there; it’d been reserved and that I’d be happy to get them another table if they’d wait for a moment. The lady looked at me and said “we’re not moving.” I replied that she was a party of two occupying a reserved table set for four. Again, all she said was “we’re not moving.” Not wanting to cause a scene; I seated my table of four at a booth (one they really didn’t want – but they were understanding) and then went to my service staff and told the server in that section that I did not want her to waste her time on the offending couple; that I just wanted them to wait and maybe they’d just go away.

Over the next 45 minutes, the woman continued to sit there, oblivious to the fact that she was being intentionally ignored, but for the fact that every time I passed the table, she’d utter some sort of obscenity, very loudly, in my direction. “F*ck! Sh*t. Dick-head. Assh*le.” It started to wear on the diners seated in the vicinity. I finally went to the table and said “I guess you didn’t get the hint; you and your date need to leave right now.” To which she again said, “we’re not moving.”

I called the police. We have a liquor license and are therefore entitled to eject any customer, for any reason, without repercussion. It seemed to me if an individual was being this belligerent she must’ve had something to drink, or worse, a pill or something like that. But I must tell you I can’t stand having to call the police – I’d much rather reserve that for when we really need them. Most of the time, I can get even the most unreasonable customer to a middle ground where we can at least respect each other. In this case it just wasn’t going to happen.

When the officers arrived, they heard what was going on and rolled their eyes – in disbelief that all I called them for was a customer who wouldn’t change her table. I was telling them the details of this woman’s behavior as we approached the table (two of the four tables surrounding this woman applauded me and the cops when we arrived – they stood and applauded) and when she turned around and saw us all, she lunged up at me with her water glass, aiming it right at my face. The cops tackled her but not before I got a glass full of water all over my suit and a nasty knot in my head where the glass hit me (thank God it didn’t break).

Meanwhile, astonishingly, her date (or her husband) stood by, wordlessly. When prompted by the police for a comment, he just said “oh, she’s pretty demanding. She’s like this all the time.” We were rendered momentarily speechless. He seemed genuinely surprised when they put the handcuffs on the lady. She, meanwhile, was vomiting obscenities and told the police and me that our mothers were “whores” and worse.

Now, I could’ve filed assault charges that’d have resulted in up to five years’ jail time in our state. I declined. I did, however, tell the Court that I wanted this woman to get some sort of counseling – the judge concurred.

Now, when that party of four – the ones who the table was intended for – comes in for one of their frequent visits to our restaurant, we have a little schtick. They sit down immediately at their favorite table, and when I come to get their drink orders, they all chime in at once “we’re not moving!”

- Xiao Gou

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