From the category archives:

Diner Stories

Mum Gets Hit On

March 4, 2010

in Diner Stories

When I was a young boy, my mother and I were staying at a seaside hotel for a needed break. One evening we were sitting in the hotel’s restaurant having a drink and listening to the hotel’s singers. Unfortunately our evening was about to be ruined at the arrival of a scruffy fellow who decided without our permission to sit with us. Eyes on my mother, he began to flatter her with compliments on her looks, and saying that he had never met a woman like her.

Needless to say we were quite annoyed at this flashy intruder, so I cleared my throat finally getting his attention. Nothing we did seemed to get the message across to him that we wanted to be alone. This guy finally leaned closer to my mother and said that she had a beautiful bun of hair! That was a cue for a swift exit. We left the table leaving this weirdo staring longingly after us. The next morning my poor mother was constantly looking over her shoulder to make sure that her admirer was not there.

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Grief For My Boss

January 9, 2010

in Diner Stories

I work as a kitchen assistant at a restaurant and I feel compelled to tell this story of what happened to my boss. He works both as the restaurant’s manager and host, so he has to meet everyone that comes in and show them their seats. I feel sorry for him as he has to deal with many stupid and arrogant customers, but when he told me this story I was shocked.

It happened on a bank holiday and I was not at work that day. It was also pouring with rain outside and the restaurant was very busy with only about two tables free. A snooty businessman came in and asked my boss for a table for ten people! He clearly did not notice the busy atmosphere. Anyway, my boss explains that they do not have any room for that amount of people. But this snooty bootie does not take no for an answer. The following argument went like this.

CUSTOMER:  But I can see some tables free over there.

BOSS:  Yes but there is still no room.

CUSTOMER:  Well can’t you join them up together or something?

BOSS:  There is no room to put all those tables together sir.

CUSTOMER:  But there is plenty of room here!

He points to the space that the staff need to use to move from the restaurant to the kitchen doors.

BOSS:  I’m sorry sir but the staff need that space to get to and from the kitchen.

CUSTOMER:  But there is plenty of room!

BOSS:  Sir if you all sat there, you would be blocking the other customers and staff and have food spilled all over you. I’m sorry sir but what you are asking is just not possible.

CUSTOMER:  Well where else am I supposed to go then?

BOSS:  Well sir on a rainy bank holiday, there are only two other restaurants I can suggest to fit in ten people, McDonald’s and KFC!

CUSTOMER:  I WANT REAL FOOD!

I d0n’t know how it finished but there is absolutely no excuse for the way this snobbish son of b**** treated my boss.

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Loud Disabled Kid

October 16, 2009

in Diner Stories

My girlfriend and I decided to go to a local Italian restaurant that we sometimes go to eat at during our regular evening dates after work. Being in our late teens we try to spend as much time together as possible. It wasn’t my favorite restaurant but it was still okay. When we arrived it hadn’t opened yet so we had a few soft drinks in the bar before passing through to the restaurant.

The problems started almost immediately. We approached a waitress who seemed to be cowering away from us. She was definitely new and very shy from the looks of her. Instead we were taken to a table by another waitress. As we sat down into the very crammed area I heard what sounded like a shriek; I shrugged it off. But a moment later a couple with their teenage son in a wheelchair comes to sit down at the table next to us. The boy was clearly mentally damaged but he wouldn’t shut up yelling. He would constantly yell and shout and throw things around and bang on the table. I was trying to have a romantic evening with my girlfriend but this was impossible due to this shrieking disabled kid next to us.

I know I should be understanding about this but I was loosing my patience fast. When we had finished our meals the bloody kid starts throwing the menus around yelling madly. As we passed I shot the family my coldest glare which seemed to shock the mother as the parents did nothing to stop their son.

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Arrogant P.O.S.

September 23, 2009

in Diner Stories

It was a busy Tuesday night at Downtown Disney and I was having a horrible day already. My back was killing me and the hosts and managers had no sympathy for my pain.

There was a family of 4 with 2 young children that was seated in my section. The husband was an arrogant P.O.S. right from the start. I was slammed with a full section as well as a party of 15 that I was trying to keep happy. I mis-rang the wife’s food and I apologized and had it fixed immediately; it took a while for the kitchen to re-make the order. The husband decided to take out his frustrations of his kids out on me by throwing the condiments on the table, and huffing and puffing the whole time. He then proceeds to yell at me because the kitchen wasn’t being quick enough. Then he insists that he not pay for the order even though they ate it and took it home with them.

The man then decides to go on Yelp.com and write a ever so lovely review stating that I had messed up on the orders of two other tables (which is not true) and claimed that my restaurant would be losing tons and tons of money because of me. And that I should be fired. I think arrogant insensitive assholes like that who go into restaurants and complain so they can get free food need to be stoned. I hope that man gets his identity stolen or something horrible. He completely deserves it.

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Separate Checks

September 18, 2009 Diner Stories

Oh how I love getting to work right before the dinner rush comes. Pick up a few tables from lazy servers who stroll in 15 to 20 minutes late coffee in hand. I myself enjoy stealing those tables and picking up the extra 50 to 60 bucks. But of course not on this day.
I had [...]

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Demanding A Discount

May 17, 2009 Diner Stories

Some people are just looking for anything free. I once witnessed (at a restaurant I used to work at) a man screaming at my manager about how he and his family should receive a 50% discount on their $200 check because his son used to valet there 6 MONTHS earlier!!
The manager handled it so well. [...]

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The Largest Heifer In The Herd

April 18, 2009 Diner Stories

When I was in college I waited tables at a popular local Mexican restaurant. We typically had a pretty good lunch rush, so handling the bigger sections could be a challenge, which our management realized. As they were all former servers they were awesome when it came to backing us up.
One afternoon I was handling [...]

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The Family From Hell

April 3, 2009 Diner Stories

I was working at a not that great $15 plate chain restaurant one evening. The restaurant closed at midnight. I was pretty busy up until midnight and did not have time to do my cleanup and side chores that all chain restaurants require of servants. Just as I was about to begin my duties, at [...]

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Diner Stewed Over Steak

March 18, 2009 Diner Stories

I was managing a very busy steakhouse one Saturday evening, and a server informed me of an overcooked steak that had been sent back to the kitchen at one of his tables. Although regrettable, it does happen and I approached the table to make apologies and let them know their steak would be out very [...]

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Burrito Bitch Mooches Margaritas

April 18, 2008 Diner Stories

Many years ago (1980s) I was working for a Mexican restaurant in West Palm Beach, Florida. I had a young lady come in and order a steak burrito. She ordered a pitcher of margaritas with extra shots. Unfortunately she received a chicken burrito. She started screaming and yelling at me and demanding that I bring [...]

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