Dining Hell Commentary

So I work as a server in south Florida where it’s about 90 degrees all the time and the humidity makes it so much worse. And of course we wear all black.

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This is not a story, but rather an advisory for diners on dining minutes before closing time. The number one rule on going to a restaurant ten minutes before closing time is: “Don’t.” There are exceptions to this, say, the place is still completely packed, but for the most part, stay away.

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Intentionally screwing with the people who have access to your food makes about as much sense as lighting a cigarette while filling up your gas tank. However, there never seems to be a shortage of culinary warriors who insist on running face-first into a wall of pretense every chance they get. Whether motivated by ignorance […]

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Corporate restaurant marketing departments understand that the quickest route to their customer’s wallets is through their stomachs while simultaneously appealing to their vanity. The primary job of a restaurant marketer is to sit in an office cubicle six states removed from where you work while devising ways to extract as much money from your customers […]

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Ah, the holidays… Simultaneously the bane and windfall of every restaurant calendar year. Primarily populated by enthusiastic amateurs whose dining habits make pigs in a trough appear cultured, as well as employees who would rather be anywhere other than serving them, holidays are viewed by most restaurant workers as a time to hunker down for […]

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“Separate checks, but we are sharing a pizza.” Okay, folks… don’t ask for separate checks but then want to share items across the split. I was not a math major and the computer system in use is archaic and unable to do that. With 5-6 other tables on a very busy night, it is not […]

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One of my pet peeves regarding customers is when someone asks for more water/iced tea/etc when there’s less than an inch of liquid missing from their glass. It doesn’t happen very often, but when it does it annoys me, so I came up with a satisfying solution. I go to their table with the water/iced […]

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I have wanted to get this off my chest for 20 years. I absolutely think they should outlaw people who order hot tea. OK, I know you’re thinking that I’m crazy, but now that tea, especially green tea, is supposed to be so good for you, everyone is ordering it. When you’re a server with […]

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