Server’s Nutty Night: Forced Kiss & Diner’s Con

July 24, 2016

in Diner Stories

I have been an overnight server for quite some time now, always taking the shifts no one else truly wants due to the tremendous amount of nut jobs that come in late at night. But I have always found that drunk people tip well and are actually pretty fun to wait on. However, to this day, I still cannot get over the situation I went through on a particular Friday night at a 24 hour diner I had just started working at known for their “pancakes.”

The night had been fairly slow, even during the bar rush, when two guys came in yelling and hollering for a waitress. I took them to their table in my section and got their drink order out promptly. Both men had Australian accents, so I kept asking them about where they were from and why they were in America and such.

At this moment a second party came in consisting of a bald, enormously tall guy, and a makeup-smeared sack of old skin he referred to as his girlfriend. I sat the people in my section in the booth right next to the two Aussies and got their drink orders, as they savagely macked on each other like they were going to make love right in the booth. Working nights, I am definitely used to old drunken PDAs, but this was a whole other level, and she even tried unzipping his pants but couldn’t figure out how in her drunken state. They asked me if I’d come over that night, and of course it already began to get awkward for me.

At this point, I was taking the order of the Aussies who were being highly flirtatious (something I’m pretty used to being a server in a room full of drunk dudes), when the big, tall guy leaned in so his girlfriend could whisper something in his ear. He stood up, and literally grabbed and French kissed me aggressively right in front of everyone in the restaurant!!!

I pushed him off me and began to yell at him to sit down or I’d call the police, when the short Aussie literally jumped up on the booth and catapulted his tiny self on top of this guy. They began fighting right in front of me as the Aussie told him he needed to learn respect, and the old hag started throwing glass cups, plates, and even food at them.

Fortunately, the restaurant was a hot spot for cops late at night who loved doing paperwork. So before I could call the police department, four police officers rushed from the front door to the scene and pulled the two men apart with force. I told the police about how the short Australian guy had practically saved me from this big lug in a weird way and how I wanted to thank him, when they began laughing at me.

It turns out this “heavenly saint” and his friend were Americans who would commonly get drunk, use terrible accents to attract women and bring them back to their place, and the cops had seen them pull this trick firsthand at my restaurant on several different occasions.

I looked over at the two guys who were talking with other officers and heard their real accents for the first time… yep, straight Americans. As for the couple, they had outstanding warrants and were taken to jail that night despite them feeling it “wasn’t fair.”

I left that morning after my shift completely flabbergasted and secretly hoping Mr. Fake Accent would stop by again so I could give him a piece of my mind about his con… turns out he did, and kept pulling the same dumb con almost every week for the entire year I worked there.

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Jeri Velgreen August 16, 2016 at 8:41 pm

This sounds about right. Here's my experience having worked in a similar environment…
https://customercrap.com/2016/01/03/mostly-scenes

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Nemo July 1, 2017 at 1:42 pm

OMG stop promoting yourself on others stories…ugghhhhhh

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delaneykay August 17, 2016 at 12:36 am

Sack of old skin? Hag? Being inappropriately sexual is not okay. Being old and wearing makeup is okay. Give respect to get respect

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Catherine February 6, 2017 at 12:56 am

Bullsh*t delaneykay. Ever hear of humor? Love that expression sack of old skin. With such thin skin I'm sure you'll end up pruning up by your your 40's if you haven't already. I'm sure your not a server or you'd never sit up on your high horse and chastise someone for making a joke. And yes thanks I definately chuckled a sack of old kin.

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