The Witty Waitress

November 29, 2007

in Server Stories

The information board at the front of the hotel-based diner proudly proclaimed, “We have borscht every day,” should have given us pause. But we had been driving for 3 hours without breakfast, and it was 10:00 a.m. with another 3 to go, and on New Year’s Day, there wasn’t a lot open. The restaurant was packed – usually a good sign.

When we sat down the waitress immediately told us a long, rambling story about gambling, leaving me wondering if she was extremely hung-over or perhaps mentally ill. Coffee and toast appeared immediately. And then the wait began. After 30 minutes, an indescribably inedible breakfast (including sausages of an unnatural greenish color) was placed in front of us. During this 30 minutes, we started to notice that NO ONE in the restaurant had anything except coffee and toast.

After we were served, the lady with four children at the table behind us meekly pointed out to the server that they had nothing but coffee and toast, and they had been here longer than our table. The server stated that they had only ordered cereal. “No,” says the hapless mother, her voice breaking “remember, I gave you a coupon for two farmer’s breakfasts. And we haven’t gotten the cold cereal either, and it’s been almost an hour.” “But if you’d ordered eggs,” says the server with infallible logic, “I would have asked you what kind of toast and how you wanted your eggs.” “I did,” said the frazzled mother, “I said wheat toast [which we’ve eaten] and scrambled.”

“I honest to God don’t remember that,” said the server. “Never mind,” says the diner, “just bring me the check for what we’ve had.” “Oh,” said the server airily, “I couldn’t charge you for just coffee and toast.”

As we were leaving, my mother hit the restroom. On the way back, she heard a father telling his teenage children that they were leaving, “But,” says the 15 year-old boy, plaintively, “we haven’t eaten. We only had coffee and toast.”

{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

jaymoney April 29, 2009 at 5:53 am

Uh, this story has NO substance. Booooooooring


Aislynn May 21, 2009 at 2:30 pm

I think that's hilarious! An entire restaurant of people with nothing but coffee and toast, and no-one knows why!


DJA July 31, 2009 at 8:35 pm

This reminds me of an SNL skit ("Cheeseburger cheeseburger cheeseburger!")


Jay May 25, 2017 at 5:59 pm

He he. Your mother hit the restroom!


Jill January 8, 2019 at 11:38 am

Wow I almost fell asleep


Leave a Comment
Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Previous post:

Next post: