Restaurant Owner Offended by T-Shirt Profanity

November 8, 2013

in Odds & Ends Stories

Came to “B House” at Hendry’s Beach in Santa Barbara, California yesterday for breakfast and I fell in love with the view. We left our dog in the car since we could not bring her on the patio (only service dogs allowed) which is completely understandable. We ate as fast as we could so we could take her out to dog beach. We have lived in beach cities all of our lives but this view was amazing. I had the corned beef hash; it was very unique but I really enjoyed it, and my husband had the yogurt and granola which were delicious. The service was non-existent but hey, the environment and ambiance made up for it. I met such awesome people and dogs there on the beach.

Today, I came back for breakfast because I had such a remarkable time yesterday. The bartender was super friendly, had great suggestions and was great for conversing since I was there by myself. I explained to him how I’m from Los Angeles but was moving up here on December 1 and that I really loved this place, and since I’m a creature of habit this place could be my new breakfast place.

I was sitting in the sun at the bar and moved inside due to the sun getting a bit too hot outside. I started chatting with the regulars there and they seemed really intriguing and nice. Very diverse restaurant; young people, elderly people, business people, everyone that came to the bar whether it was just for a coffee refill or someone in town for business seemed like wholesome people.

I ordered a Pacifico Michelada which are usually my favorites, along with two eggs, extra crispy bacon and a side of fruit. The food and bartender’s attentiveness were on point. I was just sitting there finishing my beer about 9:30 am because I had to go back to Long Beach at noon and still had to pack my things at the hotel.

Then the dreaded UNIMAGINABLE happened. There was an older man who was apparently the owner who just started literally picking me apart due to my shirt. I was wearing yellow shorts and a cut off shirt and sandals. Yes, my shirt did say “Fuck off.” I’m sorry, I’m not from here, just came for a few days and came for a quick breakfast by myself to enjoy the sun. Not that it matters, but the bar counter was so tall it completely covered my shirt anyway.

There HAS TO BE a better more respectful way of letting me know I am out of dress code instead of the offensive and demeaning way that he did. How dare you question my morals and principles in front of your staff and customers in your restaurant. I would’ve definitely understood if he asked me RESPECTFULLY to leave because of my shirt or whatever the matter was, not only because I am in nursing school and ALSO in the restaurant industry and my husband is a General Manager of a bar on State Street, BUT I am a human being. You don’t just treat people in that impolite and rude manner.

He said that his restaurant was a family establishment and I had to put my sweater on because my shirt was completely unacceptable. Mind you I didn’t see any dress code sign at the front and since I was one of two customers inside (the other customer was literally saying “Are you kidding?!” to the owner while he was on his rant to me, and the bartender just stared at me and looked sorry for me).

I was already on my way out; like I said just enjoying the conversation before my three-hour drive to Long Beach. Nonetheless, I completely complied and put my sweater on, saying I completely understood the situation and respected his wishes the whole time. THEN he just kept going on and on, started talking about my hat, asked me what I was thinking wearing it, and completely started talking about my ethics, telling me he didn’t understand what was up with me and asked me if it was a Los Angeles thing. He mentioned that he was trying to entertain his guests and that my outfit was deplorable. There was no one inside the restaurant! He even offered to pay for my breakfast if I put on my jacket (but in a very offensive way). I’m sorry sir I AM NOT A LEPER.

I did my best to comply and apologized and even left your bartender $10 on $20. I even said thank-you on my way out to all of your staff members because I don’t stoop down to people’s levels. Were you trying to get a reaction out of me? Is that why you kept pushing the subject? Do you feel better about yourself and your restaurant patronizing people and making them feel humiliated? YOU set the example in your own restaurant for your employees and are the reflection of your staff. I can’t imagine how they can deal with your snobbiness and incompetence. Sure, I wore a shirt with profanity; I apologized for offending you. I’m 24 years old; I am NOT your daughter and certainly did not deserve the insolent and uncouth attitude coming from an elderly man and bar owner like yourself. I know you don’t know me and I don’t know you but I suggest when taking things in your own hands, keep the brashness and arrogance out and politely ask someone to leave.

{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }

Nurse for 30 years November 8, 2013 at 9:26 pm

What does being in nursing school have to do with an offensive shirt? You must have known that a T shirt with F**K You was going to attract some comments from the public. I agree that the owner of the restaurant was out of line for the way he called you out but you wore the T shirt and you will have to deal with people that do not have your same taste in T shirts.
Oh, and if you really think that you want to be a nurse you'd better grow a thicker skin and change your attitude and your T shirt.

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Fuzzbo November 9, 2013 at 10:04 am

Hmm… seems like you must be talking about Boathouse Restaurant. Based on pictures that I saw online, the views from the place look fantastic. If I ever go there I'll make sure that I wear my T-shirt that says "Orgasm Donor" just to see what the owner does.

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Ish Cabibble November 9, 2013 at 11:20 am

I think you were a jerk. Sorry, but, really, you didn't know how offensive that would be to some people. Either you have no class or no sense. Or you are extremely immature.

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Serenity November 9, 2013 at 1:44 pm

Yup, seconding the "you sound like a jerk". Strike 1. leaving your dog in the car while eating instead of getting take out or going elsewhere. It's actually illegal to leave your dog in the car for more than 10 minutes alone in California ( at least the part I live in, and it's just common sense anyway). It's kind of funny how your attitude comes off as you being better than them while you're the one wearing a low class t shirt in public. You say there must have been a more respectful way to go about it, and maybe there was. But there was also a more respectful way you could have gone about dressing yourself to go out. I'm young myself, and I would never go out wearing a shirt like that. You can call it freedom of speech or whatever, but to me all I see is low class when someone is wearing something like that. Save that crap for concerts and home, not the beach and breakfast joints where families and small kids are bound to be around.

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Bethany November 10, 2013 at 2:15 am

I've never heard of a Pacifico Michelada so I had to look it up. Looks like it's Mexican beer (such as Pacifico) with lime and hot sauce and Worcestershire sauce served over ice? Sounds kind of good, although I don't know if I'd like it for breakfast. However, taken with eggs and bacon like you did might be a great way to start the day.

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FireFly November 11, 2013 at 1:33 pm

Have to agree with all the previous commenters. To wear a shirt like that is just asking for confrontation wherever you go. Would you wear a shirt like that to a job interview or wedding? Would you wear that shirt to work or to church? If the answer is "no" then why on earth would you wear it to a restaurant?? Restaurants are a gathering place for all people to relax and enjoy good food / good company in a relaxing environment. Having someone sitting there wearing a "F**K YOU" shirt just destroys the atmosphere. Keep that shirt where it belongs… in the garbage can.

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sexygal March 5, 2014 at 11:59 pm

I agree!!! A shirt like F**K YOU definitely belongs in the GARBAGE CAN!!!! NO doubt abt it!!!

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Trixi November 12, 2013 at 7:20 pm

"You don’t just treat people in that impolite and rude manner."

Your t-shirt said fuck off. Your point is invalid

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Johnnie November 12, 2013 at 9:38 pm

You nailed it Trixi!

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Emi November 17, 2013 at 8:34 pm

I hope you have stopped leaving your dog in the car. In California, too?! Poor thing.

And drinking at 9.30am before driving. Smart move, there, too.

You come across as a wonderful person.

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The Bride November 18, 2013 at 3:42 am

There's so much wrong in your post, from your need to get inside because it was getting too hot yet you keeping a dog in a car, to your admission you were wearing profanity yet somehow expecting to be to be so entitled that no one would get offended by it, I can't believe you were so fucking dumb to post this.

As a member of he nursing profession please refrain from somehow using our job as an excuse for your fuckwittery.

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mrsjamiecbaker November 18, 2013 at 2:55 pm

Issue #1: You shouldn't be leaving your dog in the car. Even in perfect weather with cracked windows, it can be very dangerous to an animal. Their health comes first.

Issue #2: Wearing a shirt that says F*** Off and expecting to be treated respectfully is pretty unreasonable. By wearing such a shirt, you are silently disrespecting every person who has the unfortunate luck of having to read such a classless t-shirt. I would have asked you to turn your shirt inside out, at the very least, had you been dining at my establishment.

Issue #3: You portray yourself as the victim here, but your shirt invited conflict, invited an argument, and invited attention. What person with any bit of self respect wears a shirt like that in public? I'd give a pass to a teenager who doesn't really know better, but you're an adult. Come on.

Issue #4: It doesn't matter what level of education you've reached, how wonderful of a person you are, or what ethics and morals you have. Once you put on such a distasteful shirt, you are asking for people to look at you like a piece of trash. I'm not a fan of pre-judging people, BUT I'm also not a fan of people wearing something profane and/or vulgar in public. Save the F*** Off shirt for a 21+ event and for the privacy of your own home. If you want to be taken seriously and be respected, don't wear that nonsense in broad daylight.

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sexygal March 6, 2014 at 12:03 am

Absolutely!!!! Wonderfully EXTREMELY VALID "POINTS" all around!!! This is an excellent post in reply to the article!!!!

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James November 20, 2013 at 9:18 am

Regardless of the writer's original behavior, if the owner continued to berate her after she covered up, that is also inappropriate. If the original poster's description is accurate, she didn't verbally object to the request to cover up the shirt, and did so, yet the owner continued to berate her.

I am reminded of the aphorism, "Two wrongs don't make a right." And if we were to engage in moral relativism, it would seem the others around this confrontation were more bothered by the owner's behavior than the poster.

For all the possible faults of the original poster, the owner comes off much worse, in my opinion.

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The Bride November 20, 2013 at 8:06 pm

I personally don't believe her when she said no other patron was offended as "there was only one other person there". In the previous paragraph she stated after she moved inside she proceeded to chat to the locals there and also described a myriad of person types that where present. Methinks there's a bit of self-justification lying going on here.

And she's still a douchecanoe because of what she did to the dog.

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Shannon December 2, 2013 at 6:09 am

You are upset because he didn't speak to you respectfully? Why would he? You were wearing a shirt that said "Fuck Off" in a public place so you aren't showing a lot of respect for yourself so I'm not sure why anyone else would.

That being said, you left your dog in the car in California where even in November it's still too hot to do that. You were drinking a beer at 9:30 in the morning with plans to get in your car and drive.

So, good job getting on here and admitting to leaving your dog in a car and drinking and driving. Dumbass.

You are an idiot. Can't believe you even got into nursing school.

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PghWaitress December 9, 2013 at 2:27 am

As a medical professional, I'm ashamed that you brought the fact that you are a nurse into the equation to excuse your behavior. Now, do I think the owner went too far? Sure, but I seriously doubt that you were treated as poorly as you wrote. You should be quite ashamed of yourself for wearing a shirt that has such profanity on it. I received a shirt as a gift that says "Where my Hose at?" and it depicts the Maltese Cross and a Fire Fighter. I never wear it unless it's under something or if I'm in an environment where I know no one will take offense to it…around the station perhaps.

You deserved to get your butt reamed for wearing it in public. BTW…you'd hate for a soon to be employer to see you wearing that shirt. The same way Facebook comes back to haunt those looking for a job, a CEO or person in charge of hiring at a company could have seen you and when you go in for an interview, you may never get called back because you showed that you don't respect yourself let alone a company.

As for the dog in the car…yeah. Gonna leave that one alone

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Misty burry December 23, 2013 at 4:51 pm

I think it’s horrible that you wore a profanity tee shirt like that out in public. Shame on you! I would of kicked you out to!

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everyonespal January 16, 2014 at 6:01 pm

jeez, if you sad sacks are upset over a lousy t-shirt wadda you all do if a real problem happened.

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everyonespal January 16, 2014 at 6:00 pm

you should grow a pair and wear your t-shirt with pride. and defy him to 'take the t-shirt off m** f***r if yo hard nosed enough!

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bonnie January 17, 2014 at 6:40 am

You should have :

1. Kneed him in the groin.
2. Headbutted his stupid face.
3. Poked his eyes as he fell.
4. Stomped on his fingers as he lay there.
5. Spat in his face.
6. Paid the check.
7. Left

I am no saying your behavior was exemplary, but you made an effort to mitigate the situation. Which was more than what he did. He was intent on bullying you.

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Wiggy! February 10, 2014 at 8:43 pm

Given the rest of the original post was so self serving, I seriously doubt that the confrontation was as one sided as depicted. I'm guessing you probably goaded him along.

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@MargaretAbbot10 February 15, 2014 at 3:39 am

Long dull story, and as far as trolling goes not worth the effort. Three out of ten, try harder next time.

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Penelope DeShields February 22, 2014 at 1:11 am

Yo Bitch!

Fuck off!

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Monisha Roberts September 25, 2014 at 12:54 am

At least you didn't get goodified.

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theblonde March 4, 2014 at 2:08 pm

#humblebrag

if he treated the situation that way, and you handled the situation as you stated, good for you. but wearing a shirt that says 'fuck off' anywhere outside the home, especially in a place where there MAY be families present (whether there happened to be or not), was a silly idea.

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Jack April 12, 2014 at 4:43 pm

The OP is a troll. The stupid story is filled with inconsistencies. I hope she doesn't give up her day job to become a writer.

LOL!

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BestPaleoCookbook April 14, 2014 at 10:41 pm

You shouldnt wear a shirt like that in public. Im not a prude but im tired of hearing that.

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